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Holiday Stress: Learn To Deal with It

 

Holiday, according to one definition, is a time of festivity or recreation when no work is done. You may question that “no work” part.

Depending on your culture and religion, the term refers to an extended period filled with many activities–some festive, some recreational but nearly all capable of inducing considerable stress.

One major reason for that stress is the increased work load. Someone has to clean the house and make sleeping arrangements for guests. Someone has to go shopping amid huge crowds and cook the holiday feast. Someone has to clean up the clutter and do the dishes after the festivities are over.

Traditionally, at least, a disproportionate share of these tasks have been handled by women. And women have a higher incidence of stress during the holiday season.

In Australia and a few other countries, many workers are given a full week or more off for the Christmas/New Year’s holidays. Few American workers have this perk, and an increasing number are being asked (or forced) to work on the holiday itself to keep retail sales on target.

When work obligations and family responsibilities begin to clash, the result is trouble. Nearly one third of Americans report feeling stress from not getting enough time off work to handle holiday chores.

DELEGATE RESPONSIBILITY: One way out of the crunch is to learn to be more assertive in delegating responsibility, both at work and at home.

Even though everybody loves your pecan pie, let someone else take responsibility for dessert this year. If everybody looks to your lead during after-dinner cleanup, then be a supervisor rather than a servant: “Jack can load the dishwasher, while Erica packages up leftovers and finds places for them in the refrigerator.”

STICK TO A BUDGET: Another major source of holiday stress is worry about money and the buildup of credit card debt as you try to keep up with family expectations on a limited income.

One study found that 36 percent of Americans with family incomes of $30,000 to $50,000 and 27 percent of those with incomes of $50,000 to $75,000 worry about being able to afford the holidays.

The solution: set up a holiday budget and stick to it. You can’t buy happiness for yourself or anyone else. If your extended family is growing out of control, you may want to draw names out of a hat to determine who gives a gift to whom. Or set a limit: no gifts that cost more than $25.

HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Experts point to unrealistic expectations as a common source of stress. When you set your expectations too high, then push yourself trying to meet them, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment–and even greater stress–later. Expectations are particularly high during the holiday season.

Don’t make your life more difficult by spending hours

• searching for that lavish gift–the diamond bracelet or the snow blower depicted on TV ads–that will bring tears to the recipient’s eyes and additional debt to your credit card balance;

• making the exterior of your house and the grounds look like the North Pole; or

• choreographing a holiday dinner that will make Martha Stewart smile.

All of these high expectations will cost you more than you can afford in time and money.

RESPECT TRADITION, DON’T CLING TO IT: Most families have long-established rituals and traditions that are part of the holidays. As children grow up, form their own families and move to other states or countries, change is inevitable. If you can’t all be around the same Christmas tree, you might be able to re-create some of those memories and emotions through Skype conference calls or even postings on FaceBook.

Rituals and traditions evoke memories of the past, and sometimes these can be bittersweet. Some family members have passed away; others have left because of divorce or family squabbles.

You might be able to lower the level of family stress by allowing some discussion. Which rituals are worth keeping? Which are better off abandoned?

RECOGNIZE, TREAT DEPRESSION: Many individuals have trouble getting through the holidays because of depression. The holidays don’t necessarily cause the depression, but the festive mood of others can make the depression all the more noticeable.

Unresolved conflicts with other family members and unhappy memories from childhood may trigger bouts of the blues. Major depression, though, can occur for no apparent reason. It’s important to understand that seasonal depression, caused by decreasing exposure to sunlight, is common during the final two months of the year in the northern hemisphere.

You may have heard that more suicides occur during the holidays than any other time. Don’t believe it; this urban myth has been proven false by several studies. Suicides, attempted suicides and self-inflicted injuries all go down by about 40 percent during the holiday season. That, of course, doesn’t make the suicides that do occur any easier for family and friends to handle.

There is a great deal of overlap between stress and depression. Depression requires treatment, but mild cases can be helped by most of the same strategies that ease stress.

REGULAR EXERCISE helps lift mood and burn off the excess energy that is associated with stress. If you’re used to exercising four to six times a week, you’re likely to find it difficult maintaining that schedule during the holidays. But don’t neglect exercise altogether; if you do, you will feel even greater stress and fatigue.

CUT BACK ON CAFFEINE: If you drink a latte or cappucino to help you relax in the middle of the day, fine. Coffee has health benefits. But if you find yourself repeatedly grabbing a cup of coffee on the run, you’re probably feeding your stress, making yourself more jittery and nervous.

AVOID OVER-EATING, OVER-DRINKING: With all of the parties and holiday meals, it’s difficult not to eat and drink too much.

Too much food and too little exercise can make you feel sluggish. Alcohol is a depressant. Drink too much, and you lose inhibitions leading to family conflicts that may never heal.

GET PLENTY OF SLEEP: Stress interferes with sleep. And it’s a vicious cycle. The less sleep you get, the more stress you feel.

For sleep-deprived patients, one doctor recommends a bed time 30 to 60 minutes earlier than usual. Even if you don’t go to sleep right away, at least you will be removing yourself from the scene. Try to remove your mind as well.

Unlike stress at other times of the year, holiday stress by definition will come to an end. When you feel like you have reached your limit, relax for a minute and tell yourself that next week you will be back at work.

REFERENCES:

Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., “Worry wise:Taking charge of self-imposed stress,” Psychology Today, April 27, 2013.

Anna Greenberg and Jennifer Berktold, “Holiday stress,” Greenberg Quinlan Rosner Research, December 12, 2008.

Morgan Griffin, “Tips for overcoming holiday anxiety and stress,” WebMD Feature, reviewed by Brunilda Nazario, M.D., October 1, 2008.

Jessica Keralis, “Debunked (again): The holiday-suicide link,” An Ounce Worth Blog, December 27, 2011.

“Managing holiday stress,” Cleveland Clinic, last reviewed December 3, 2012.

Mayo Clinic Staff, “Stress management,” MayoClinic.com.

National Institute of Mental Health, “Adult stress–frequently asked questions.”

Mort Orman, M.D., “Are you EXPECTING?” StressCure.com.

David B. Posen, M.D., “Information for patients–stress management.”

David B. Posen, M.D., “Stress management for patient and physician,” Canadian Journal of Continuing Medical Education, April, 1995.

Elizabeth Scott, M.S., “Managing the seemingly inevitable holiday season stress,” About.com Stress Management, updated November 7, 2013.

Melissa Conrad Stoppler, M.D., “Holiday depression and stress,” MedicineNet, medically reviewed by Martin E. Zipser, M.D.

Shelley Wood, “Holiday angst? Family stress linked to angina,”Heartwire, December 28, 2010.

10/22,2014

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